It's Never Too Late to Try Something New - Becky Vannes

Humbling Beginnings With Horse Lessons

Yeah, well, you're back at the bottom. You know, I I'm doing lessons with little girls with pigtails that are kicking my ass. Excuse my language. It's very humbling to um be so new at something when, you know, there's people that have been doing this their whole life and have all this experience. And there's many points where I was just like, I'm just gonna give up. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. You know, so a lot of those things were coming up for me because I felt like I would never know what they've known. Like they have so much experience on you, and they do so well. And uh and trying something new and anything new, obviously you there's a learning curve, and you do start at the bottom.

From Seeker To Midlife Rebel

So we could pretty much go in well, start in uh one of two directions, I think. One could be like starting with your book and the work that you're doing, or one could be starting with why and what happened in your life that inspired you to create this this book, this program, and do the work that you're doing. Because it wasn't something that you've always done, right?

Well, I think I think I've always been a um a seeker. I've I've always been looking. I'm like, there's gotta be something more, you know, and but did I always write books? No. Did I always um have some great tools in my life? No. So um that's why I love the topic of your your podcast, um, Nadine, the um midlife rebel. I I feel like I'm just finally, you know, getting it. Yes, I agree. Do you remember, you know, when you're in high school and you're getting ready to graduate and everyone's like, what are you gonna do with your life? I'm like, I have no idea. Like, I you know, and and I think it's such an unfair question. We don't have um much experience, we haven't tried things to even, you know, figure out what we want to do. It's such a big question. So um, have I always done this? I think my whole life has led me up to this point. And um, you know, I've had so much fun too, like researching um a bit about you and learning about your podcast and um the midlife rebel. And I was like, wow, we're gonna have such a great time. Cause, you know, um, yes, I've both talked about my books, but I think there's a bigger picture too sometimes that happens before that. And um one was gosh, I've been studying astrology probably maybe since 2008-ish. Okay, yep. And um that's that's one of the massive tools that I've used in my life. And I think there's a lot of times where people just focus on, you know, they're like, wow, how did you get there? How did you become an author? And, you know, um, I'm very lucky to be a business owner and entrepreneur, and at this point very successful. But it's these tools that I had and I've practiced and used that um that really got me here.

What was your life like? You know, you said you you feel like everything that you've done in your life to this point has led you to where you are. Of course, that that you know makes sense, but I'm sure there's lots of deep experiences that you had that you've been able to reflect on.

How much time do we have? Wait a minute, you know, how much time do we have here?

What were you doing in the first part of your life? And like how did it feel like a massive change, a disruption to what felt right?

Anxiety Attacks And Tracking Thoughts

You know, well, I I think one of the biggest steps that I can say was probably been uh one of the biggest gifts, and I do talk about it in my books, that I can look at it now as a gift is that um I have extreme anxiety and extreme anxiety attacks in my 20s. And one of the biggest things that I end up learning from that, um, and then I see how it built, you know, you never see the whole puzzle, you know, until you get one piece and then you put another piece together. And in my 20s, I had a few big life events that were taking place at that time. So my cup was probably really full. And then, you know, the the anxiety attacks came out. And at the time, I was like, this came out of nowhere. I have no idea what's happening to me. And fast forward a bit, because this is, you know, only an hour, we don't have all that here. Um, I was lucky enough to find a really great psychologist that worked with me and said, well, you know, one of his first steps was, hey, we're gonna start writing down what you're thinking. And I was like, what do you mean, what am I thinking? And I know that probably sounds silly to say, but I really never thought about um thinking. Oh, right. They don't talk about that in school. Not really. I mean, I don't know about you, but I never really learned that. Like, obviously, I probably, you know, had an idea that my brain, you know, had thoughts, and like that's how I function. But when someone says you're gonna have to start writing down what you're thinking so we can look at it, and um he he called it cognitive therapy. So that's what where we started is cognitive therapy. And so I was like, okay. And it was really difficult at first. I didn't realize how fast my thoughts were, like what I was even thinking. And I started writing stuff down, and wow, Nadine, I was saying some really horrible things to myself. Oh, right. And and most of them were really, you know, um, like worst-case scenarios. Okay. Nonstop, nonstop. It would just be like, oh, well, you know, what if this happened? And then, you know, like, what if this happened? And then I didn't realize I did that nonstop. And so of course I was having, and my body was reacting, and I was having really bad anxiety. Uh, because I was just thinking really horrible things. And that was a big, you know, like when you said, have you always been this week, you know, like this? I feel like it started then, and and I can see the gift in that. Because if nobody ever said, Hey, what are you telling yourself? What are you thinking? I never, well, I don't want to say never, uh, because I have really always been a seeker. But how long would it take me to figure that out? And I did get that in my 20s. Now it was really, really difficult time. Um, but when I um really started then diving into it, and then he, you know, he helped me start to like, okay, well, let's replace these thoughts with something different. And um, that was the beginning for me to really understand um how powerful our brains are and how powerful our thoughts are. And I was like, wow, well, if I can create this, I I wonder what I could actually create uh with my, you know, with my thoughts in a different direction.

And so did you start doing that in your 20s? I did.

Well, I did, and my anxiety got way better. Okay. Way better. Um, I I still I wasn't having panic attacks anymore. Um, I was more aware of my thoughts. Um, but you really only know what you know at the time. And so it definitely got better. And I was able to really uh start to thrive a little bit more than just survive, I would say. And then, you know, then there was next steps, and then there was next steps.

Rewriting The Subconscious With Rituals

I I want to say maybe in my 30s, I found a book, Dr. Joseph Murphy, and it was the power of the subconscious mind. And this book, I think now I looked it up because I I actually recommended it to somebody recently because they were going through something really similar. And um, gosh, they just redone the revisions in the book. Um gosh, it was a lot since it's such an old book. But that book, I I read it, and then what I started doing is like before when I'd wake up in the morning and when I went to bed, um, I had like a cute little phrase that I would then repeat to myself. And so that book really was about how to start creating. I would say reprogramming at the time. Now I I love the word, like I'm really in the creation of my life. But at that time, I really understood using you know these tools and the words that I was saying really helped me, I would say, reprogram um my thoughts and what I was doing.

Was that did you feel like you had like a um I was I'm just kind of reflecting on on my on my earlier life and I did some journaling, like I started journaling a bit when I was in my 20s, but it kind of it was one of those things that kind of kind of came and went. And then I discovered um Louise Hay. It was a long time ago, it was a cassette that I listened to, and um so that was the same sort of thing, right? Reprogramming and just sort of, you know, uh noticing how you say things and and how that's how that can create your reality. But then over time, like that was in my 20s, and then over time, you know, life happens, and uh I didn't really uh like I don't think that there was a place that I was really doing any of that work regularly uh through my 30s, 40s, and it wasn't until I sort of hit the you know, mid-40s and that midlife uh uh change where it's like where all of these things that had happened in my youth, you know, you mentioned anxiety, there was you know, I've had my own personal experiences, and it was like, oh, these this shit all needs to come up and be processed properly because I've just been ignoring it, and I didn't even realize. But yeah, it's interesting how some of those tools that I learned came back to the to the fore.

Alcohol Motherhood And Identity Shifts

Yeah, yeah, and um, you know, even with me growing up too, my uh family it was like a normal thing, everyday thing. Like everyone really drank a lot. And I think when I started having anxiety like extreme, I started, you know, also like wow, I feel a little bit more relaxed when you know I drink and have alcohol and those different things. And so um that also was an interesting time in my life with learning um, well, alcohol gave me a little bit of relief from the stress. And so when I got into my 30s and um I started having children, I also really looked at how I grew up. And, you know, and and my parents, um, and I'm sure like a lot of people would say, my parents only knew what they knew as well. So, you know, I'm not coming down here and saying, well, gosh, they shouldn't have done this or that. Um, what I'm saying is that when then I started to have kids, I thought, well, I want to have something different for them. And I did not drink. And so, you know, I I quit drinking um, gosh, for years. And I was able to see the presence that I actually received from not drinking. And I, you know, this isn't about if you drink or you don't drink either, but I noticed for me, um, I was able to actually handle things way better. Because I, you know, the something the the thing that I added that I thought was helping me with the stress, I think actually was creating a lot of the stress. So um that isn't another thing that I added that I think really helped me find out maybe a little bit more of who I was.

Yeah.

Without without um like self-medicating, too.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's exactly. I mean, if you've read a little bit of my um or heard anything about my story, I stopped drinking, but I started having kids later. So I was 40 when I had my first first child. So yeah, I'd stopped drinking um I've in the last few years. Um yeah, so I I kind of recognize that that parallel.

And I think that journey, yeah, is for everybody to, you know, find, discover themselves. But alcohol just doesn't work for me in my body. Um, I am a Scorpio and I am an all-in kind of person. And so whatever I do, I am like um running a marathon all in. Okay.

Yeah. And that includes drinking, right?

Yeah.

Yes. Like, if I'm going for it, I'm going for it.

Yeah, I never understood. I was like, why does somebody just want to have one glass of wine? Like, I was like, that that never really made sense to me. Yeah.

Actually, I was talking to a friend on Saturday, he's a Scorpio as well, and he was saying exactly the same. He's just stopped drinking and he was like, I can't just have one. And I yeah, I'm not Scorpio, but I felt the same.

Well are you?

I'm an Aries. I'm an Aries. Oh, you're an Aries. Yeah, okay. Which, you know, the the the Mars was the um is the ruler of Aries, and Mars was the the ruler of Scorpio as well. So there's some similarities. Yes.

Yes, I love it.

I love that. So then you were in your 30s. I'm kind of teasing this out. Like I want to know, like you've got yeah, motherhood is quite all-encompassing, isn't it?

Yes. And I feel like for me as well, I was all in with that as well. I um uh I, you know, I was the homeroom mom. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids and you know, take them to school and pick them up. Um, we had several businesses at the time, and my husband, you know, he took care of us, and I made sure, you know, he was taken care of and I took care of the children. So, you know, for a really long time, that then was my identity. And um, and I say that was my identity. It's not like I'm not a mom anymore. I'm still a mom. Um, and I still have three wonderful children. But uh what I think that I would love to say is I think there's like these phases that we go through, and I was what I needed to be at that time, that my children like required. And now that my kids are a bit older, I really started discovering who I was for the first time. And you know, like what I could do. And and I'm really grateful um, you know, for Unity Dean and people that do these podcasts because it's like, wow, I'm like flourishing at this age of you know, coming into my own and really discovering what what I'm amazing at and discovering my talents and and you know what I want to do. Like, you know, like what I want to do, not you know, like what does the mom want to do or you know, what does the wife want to do? And luckily, um, I have a wonderful husband, and this year, uh actually this month, we'll be married um 31 years.

Oh my god. Wow.

Yeah. So, you know, I'm lucky to have a partner that, you know, really supports me as well. And we're both, even though we're together, we're still both on our own journeys of figuring out what works for us and you know what's fun and what I

Horses Teach Leadership And Direction

want to do. And, you know, midlife, I I've always loved horses and I've rid, you know, rode uh off and on throughout my life. Um, but I was 52 something, and I was like, I think I want to take horseback riding lessons. And, you know, um I started and then to write English, which for me, you know, I've always done Western or went on trail rides and you know, done that. And English felt like bareback, you know, it's just a different type of thing. And and that has really been um, you know, a real discovery of self. Uh horses really um well, I felt like I was back in kindergarten. Like, you know, here we are. I'm talking about my 30s, the stuff I've learned. You know, I and even before that, I really started doing, you know, in 2008, astrology um as a tool, really learning about, you know, the energies that are available for me in my life, what I am now, what I can discover and what more is possible, and learning, you know, different um self-help techniques and going to classes, you know, learning coaching, really diving into spiritual self-help, um, you know, all of it. And I felt like I was in a really good place, you know, I got this. Wow, I know what I'm doing. And I got a horse, and there's something about a horse where, you know, a lot of studies say when you walk up to them, first of all, they they can tell there's no pretending with a horse if you're nervous. You know, like I can get on stage and still, you know, do it, but uh my heart be pounding. I'm still nervous. But if you walk up into a front of a horse and your nervous system is, you know, on a 10, they're like, really? What is there? Are we dying? Or like what's happening? Like, why are you why are you so worried? You know? And um, so it's really then once again diving into different levels of myself that I that haven't even discovered yet. That I, you know, here I thought I was a professional at, you know, life and myself and positive thinking and not just positive thinking, like really recreating my life. And when I got a horse, that was a whole new level for me that um obviously that I haven't experienced before.

What was that like for you? Like just in terms of trying something new that you really wanted to do, because a lot of your work is about this, isn't it? It's about you know, visioning, having the dream and then going for it. But there's a discomfort in change, there's a discomfort in like not being good enough. Like you said, it's you felt like you were right back at the start of learning something new. What was that like for you?

Yeah, well, you're back at the bottom. You know, I I'm doing lessons with little girls with pigtails that are kicking my ass. Excuse my language. It's very humbling to um be so new at something when you know there's people that have been doing this their whole life and have all this experience. And there's many points where I was just like, I'm just gonna give up. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. You know, so a lot of those things were coming up for me because I felt like I would never know what they've known. Like they have so much experience on you, and they do so well. And uh and trying something new and anything new, obviously you there's a learning curve, and you do start at the bottom, and it is you know very um humbling, and you have to be very vulnerable and and um willing to receive differently. And and and in this, you know, positioned I was, and not only um that meeting with horses, they really teach you leadership in such a different way. Well, so you know, horses, they they're they live in a herd, they live a herd life, and then there's always a hierarchy for them, and that's the way of life. And it what's such a beautiful thing, it's it's not an argument, it's not like, well, you said this about me and now I'm mad at you. Like there's a correction, and then there's a okay, and then they go back to eating together. And being the leader of your life is what you know with. their leadership that that they really taught me. And let me see if I can think of like a really good example. Um well here's here's something. So when riding a horse, um I jump. So I'm gonna give you the example there's a course. So we have a there's a jump and and I'm heading towards a jump. And so when I'm riding towards a jump, I can't just stare at that jump um be, you know, like before we land, I need to know where we're going afterwards. Because a horse can't just go the turn this way like you can in a car. You know, they have to understand, they have to be connected with you. They have to understand where you're going. So you know um I need to know where we're going next. And my horse like Fred, he is like he wants to know what direction we're going and how to get there. And there's really simple things that you do. And when I say ride ahead I'm so here's a like here's a jump. I'm already past the jump a couple strides looking and he's like oh okay I can feel your body angling we're gonna go to the left so when you ride ahead you're leading okay you're being the leader. When I've noticed when I stopped riding ahead and let's say maybe I'm just riding and trying to get him to slow down or just letting him ride. Now he is leading and well friend has when he's leading you know then he'll start making decisions for us. And then basically I'm just along for the ride. Now can horses make decisions? Of course they can but they're not always the best decisions um or maybe the safest you know decisions. So that really you know made me look one I understand well I said to my trainer I said well how come you know when we did this like the ride was really great and then what happened here and she goes well on this one you were leading you're riding ahead you're telling him where he's going now he's comfortable he's happy he understands you're in connection here you stop talking to him he had no idea where you're going and then you know that's what happened. And so I I was like wow where in life then am I you know am I riding ahead or you know is my horse taking me for a ride? And so I thought like gosh life's like that am I living my life or or is my life um or am I just you know going along with what's happening in in life there there is a difference and neither of them are right or wrong you know like you know you can like wow this happened to me today that happened to me today or you know is is my life creating me or am I creating my life? And and so that huge leadership analogy um really was one of the keys of why I started writing my book. Well actually my workbook I have two different books I have a workbook that I wrote

Building A Workbook For Daily Creation

um what future are you willing to like up to and I wrote the workbook for me because like I'm a seeker like you I love listening to podcasts and we'll hear a good tip or tool and I'll write it down in my phone notes or somewhere or I'll go to class you know and then you take notes and you're like I'm gonna save this for later and you know um right before I you know really got that aha moment about the leadership I wrote um I read a really wonderful book and of course I can't remember the name of it right now um but it was you know really about manifestation too of like really actively creating your life I was so inspired he this man did a wonderful job but then when it was done I was like wait what did that where did this go? Like really and I was like wash I keep getting this great information but then I'm not applying it I really want to apply you right like these tools and this information that I'm learning to my life because that's kind of the direction that I was like am I creating my life every day and and you know so what happened is I had all these you know notes and wonderful phrases and questions on my um iPhone notes and every morning I would wake up and I would start with what I'm grateful for because I believe you know whatever we're focusing on the gratitude I have more gratitude you know or and then um I would write things um that I wanted to to create that day could be something simple you you know I don't want to give myself a hard time this is not high pressure it's not like I want a million dollars you know it's like wow I want a belly laugh today right you know like I I you know I do want a million dollars I will put that out there um but you know so like every day really just writing these things down and then I also had a section where I would write three things that I wanted to acknowledge because I also noticed I asked for these things they show up and then it's like done or sometimes I don't even realize that they showed up and so I really you know took a few minutes from my phone notes of um okay wow hey wait I remember I asked for this to happen and then it showed like something similar showed up and I would write it down. And then I also have you know like different um questions I like to ask in the morning um like one of them is um oh gosh one of them one of my favorite ones is you know I know there's a few things that I'm really wonderful at at this point in my life and then I was like but what like what if I didn't just decide that I was that well I'll give you an example so it makes sense what I'm speaking to is like I'm really good at at marketing and I'm really good at connecting with people. And so I was like okay great I'm very grateful you know for having that you know them tools and the knowing for marketing but I wonder what else like if I was like okay yes thank you I wonder what else I could learn. So I was I've been asking you know what else am I amazing at you know that haven't even discovered yet so like instead of just deciding this is what I am and what I always am like what else is there? And and so Nadina had all these things in my phone notes and it was really becoming a pain in the butt. So um I actually also work my company works with a a publishing company and so I was like you know what I'm actually gonna format this put it into like a big workbook so I can write I'm gonna add a note section you know all these things that would be perfect that to go with my morning rituals and I'm just you know going to print this out for me. And then I was like well let me look on the internet and see if I can find something because if I can I'll buy it um because it's not quite a journal you know like you said you journaled like I wanted a little bit more I wanted to add my um questions I wanted to add you know where my grateful for and all these things and I also wanted to add um kind of an energy and flow to what I'm asking to create in my life. And and so I was like okay I I can't find anything I'm just gonna you know put it together and I published it and my friend was like well I want one so I was like okay yeah actually at first I was just gonna probably just print it out and then he's like well I need it too and and so it's really cool how things come together from um it was really something that I wanted to create for myself because I knew I had all this information. I'm spending money on these classes I'm I'm spending money on books I'm reading them and I want to apply it I want to actively create my life and and so I I wrote and then I have a workbook and it's really cute. Of course I have it here for me but I you know since I published I knew I wanted it a certain size. So it's actually a really big book here's my other book so you can see you know and then you open it up it lays flat and then you know I have plenty of room to write in it and and I actually created um this for myself uh but for years I actually have been helping people publish and you know um do that for them and I had I well I never really had an idea what I wanted to do until I was like I would my ass created this need for myself.

Okay.

And then that's how it showed up.

All right. That's from the leadership story of course 20 minutes later sorry no no it's like I'm I'm kind of seeing how that came together like with because it's that sense of like life happening to you or you taking action in your life and it is a very fine line isn't it and I love that the fact that your book's called What Are You Willing to Wake Up to and I was talking to my friend yesterday we meet once a week online she's in RA I'm in Australia and we I said I said this um line to her what are you willing to wake up to and it's just so interesting because it's so oh it's like it just seems like what when you first read it and then you're like oh like am I actually willing to wake up to the same routines the same habits the same rituals the same life and or like what could I actually create and am I just holding myself back to the like the potential of of the the like huge possibilities. I read this um book by uh

Waking Up To Possibility Not Yesterday

Hendrix gay Hendrix he wrote the big leap he talks about upper limiting and that's kind of where I see that connection like what for future are you willing to wake wake up to and some of the things that we have in our lives are we just creating an upper limit for ourselves like this is all I'm this is what I do this is you know who I am yeah oh my God and this is all I can have and it actually yeah there's so much more over the book what I I realized was I waking up today creating yesterday yeah so how many of us wake up and the first thing that you you know like you run through is everything that you had yesterday yeah and and that was really one of my big things so I'm like gosh when then when does that end?

When and and then when did I start that and then when does that end and this is a much deeper you know discovery um but after these books that I've really started now writing it's called the Art of Discovery because like what if we woke up every day and discovered our day so that's different. So that's what what future are you willing to wake up to are you waking up today um like recreating yesterday like are you like well it's gonna be better because I'm gonna you know it's like how we will rearrange a room it's still the same room yeah you've just moved the furniture and and so for me I was like I know there's limitless possibilities I I you know you don't always know how to put words to it you don't know how to explain it well and I don't because they haven't happened yet but one I know questions and that's what like what future are you willing to wake up to brings up a question brings up a limitless possibility of a a day that you can discover. Like what if we woke up every day and you know said well who am I today? What can I discover? And what are my talents? What do I know? What you know a lot of times I know this might sound silly but my target really is to become um joy yeah belly laughter because there's these certain things that you will ask for in life well more money you know better relationship or these different things but have you ever noticed when you're laughing with your friend or you're like you have this like that's like the rocket fuel to creation and then you're like but I want this one thing but like the universe is like but you can have it all you know um take 10 minutes and watch something funny and just have that joy of living.

One thing that I wonder how do you approach this because I've um it's like I've been doing some things recently to change my morning routine.

So like for example I use my phone for my alarm and the first thing that I would do is I would turn on the look at the app, see what my sleep score was, you know um does that on your day when you look at how much sleep you had then you say okay well God I only had four hours of good sleep now my day is going to be Yeah yeah so I've I've gone to like I haven't my phone's still on airplane mode.

I've been up for three hours.

That's wonderful.

And it's in a bag it's in a special bag so I don't look at it. Wow. But you know and just changing the order of the things that I do like writing my journal before I meditate meditate before I journal like just changing things around my teeth with my left hand so I'll but um what there are some things that we still have to do in our everyday lives right we've got kids we have to get up we have to go to work we have to do the breakfast and so there are some things that you can't I don't want it well maybe I should use the word escape. There is a routine and like how's what's the line between you know breaking away from that subconscious patterning of the routine and the things that we need to do every day and creating something new.

Well I think for me how I started and that's all I can you know like really um you know

Small Steps Habit Loops And Awareness

talk about is I think there's a lot of people think that there's this big massive leap that you have to take for change. And one of the things that I love to talk about is it's just the daily small steps that create the massive change. So for your listeners and anyone in here it's like even if you started every day with one small change even if it's writing down you know just what I'm grateful for and you don't even you know do the rest it's those small steps that we take create the big change. And you know and for me um I created the workbook and it's actually a 100 day journey of course because I have to be an overachiever um but they say you know 60 days when once you you know do something for 60 days then it becomes like part of your routine. Just like you know you waking up and you know um looking at your phone. So once you do something repetitively and and and do you always want to do it? No. And and that's kind of like anything with maybe if you want to change your body and you know you want to work out or you want to learn a new skill like riding a horse well it's the baby steps and you don't give up and you give yourself a little bit of a break too you don't judge you. That's one of the biggest things if you want to skip a day. You can skip you know you you you can do that but you just start again the next day then right you're creating a new habit right with a hundred days but then it becomes a habit so like so then does that become part of our routine which is good it's beneficial but then do we become complacent with it or is it continually changing? Well I I personally think everything's you know constantly can you know continually you know changed because with it's really like you know like what you're saying it's the daily practice right that you're you know you have some that you've started and you've created it's um the daily investments into you and so like what does that mean? Well those daily practices um the insight that you get from it it matters um but repeated you know ordinary um choices are what change how you live right like the workbook beginning um as your you know your own daily practice or your journaling or you know whatever but it was my daily practice um that I had in my phone that I was doing that that created the workbook for me and and then so much more so you know like really like for me like that book is like the conversation um that I created and like the workbook for me is the um the practice that you do every day so I created a book to go with the workbook but the book is kind of more of like stories of my life like you know how you're like well tell me about your life well you know for people you know do you need you know the book to do the workbook no um but I think like the book that I wrote also um that came from the workbook which so it's so cool like the daily practice that started on my phone created you know that one little choice created the workbook and then um it was like I couldn't sleep at night I was having all these ideas I'd have to wake up in overnight and you know write down some notes and then I wrote um the begin before you feel ready and with that it really goes into a lot of the questions that I use a lot of the tools you know that I found um throughout my life that worked for me and um so gosh starting like for anybody looking like how like how to start where to start what to start you know just start just find one you know small step um you know you can love the life that you've built right now like you said is there always more but you you can love that life that you've built right now and still ask um what's next yeah what else am I amazing at you know what else you know can I discover? Yeah because gosh can you imagine how much um that's out there that we we aren't even aware of yet you know and maybe you know part of midlife too is the gift is realizing I don't need all the answers anymore. I can be curious now instead.

And I think that the um that creating that daily habit and this process is actually a much more conscious practice than a lot of the habits and daily routines that we have. And it brings to the forefront like what how are you thinking and feeling how could you think and feel because so many like you said um so many of the things that we wake up with are things that have happened in the past or have happened yesterday or things that we need to do you know and there's there's that repetitive process that we don't e it's so ingrained in us that we don't even realize it's happening.

So when you come to um a practice like the one that you've created and you're drawing your attention to that like what is actually happening what do I actually want to create yeah like these are hard questions because we don't allow ourselves the time to do it do we well in I don't think we've ever been taught it or I don't know about you this is this is how life is right yeah yeah I mean if we could go back and give this to ourselves and you know early stages of like discovery you know of wondering you know who you are and being grateful and you know um giving yourself you know permission to change your mind. I don't know about you but here it's like if you you You're gonna do that, that's what you have to do now. Yes, and then so there were so many times where I didn't want to commit because I was like, gosh, am I gonna be stuck with this now for the rest of my life? You know, and it's the energy of like you only get one choice, you gotta, and that's what you have to do. And you know, I think part um for me, Nadine, with like this midlife rebel, is that hey, I don't have to have it all figured out. And I actually am ready to um give myself permission to change my mind.

Yeah, I like that. And um I also like that you said you don't have it doesn't you don't have to be kind of negative about what you've already got either, do you? You don't have to be like, well, I need to change this because, you know, X, Y, and Z. It's like you may have already created a a good life, a life that you love. You may have already, you know, you may already love yourself. You know, you've got over all of that kind of negative self-talk or self-doubt. Like you may have worked through all of that. You don't have to get rid of the old experiences in order to um create something new. They all become, they can all become part of it, can't they?

Well, yeah, and gosh, I I want to keep everything, even knowing things that I thought were horrendous at the time. I never thought, I wish I could go back and tell my 20-year-old self that was scared to death, you know, with um having anxiety attacks. And I actually recently was like journaling and writing about this. And I think the hardest part for me back then was nobody was talking about it like they are now. Um now a lot of people have communication about it. And I was writing about the first time, and I remember trying to talk to my mom about it, and she just didn't understand. She's like, What do you mean? I don't understand what's wrong with you. And so not only, you know, were people not talking about it, I felt so alone. And I felt so alone in um in what was happening to me. And so, you know, if I could go back and tell that, you know, 20-year-old girl, hey, um, you're okay. And, you know, you are actually gonna have, you know, like a fantastic life, and you know, and amazing experiences. And this really is just kind of um helping you now to give you a tool to realize um, you know, what you're telling yourself. And you know, I was a product of my environment. Um, my my dad was always very stressed, and you know, it was stressful situations always. And as a little kid, you might, you know, you're aware of that. And you know, you pick up what you know, you your environment. And so um what a gift, you know, um that um experience was, because then I went on to, you know, really dive in more, and then I found another layer, and then I found another layer, and and then I found another layer of like, wow, you know, judging myself out of, you know, judgment is not working either, right? Like, so gosh, if I don't do something, then I'm gonna sit here and judge myself. Like, that's not the purpose of you know, the experiences or like doing the workbook or changing your body or whatever you're asking is then to, well, I'm not gonna do it anyway. So I'm just you know, I never finish or you know, like that's not actually the experience that you're creating either. And so there's a lot of times where I'm like, oh, this is so cute. I'm judging right now. And I'll like announce kind of what I'm doing. And you know, that does help. But I think, you know, with being willing to just take the next step, and I look at everything that happened to Esme as information. Yeah, it turns it, it's you know, like if you're sailing or you're out on the ocean, like the wind pushes you into a different direction. And that's exactly what all of like the things that took place in my life did. And um, and and luckily now, um and I didn't, I I was talking to somebody recently, I didn't realize like there's so many tools out there to actually help you. And you know, like my workbook is one, and and in my book, I I write at the end of each chapter, I give you like tools or questions to look at. And so there are tools out there to help you with every situation, you just have to find them.

And you know, yeah, sorry, that's part of the reason I've created this podcast is because different things do work for different people, but like educating yourself, learning, and you know, hearing what other people are saying, there are often some common threads that we're all experiencing. But yeah, yeah, there are lots of different tools. When you uh do you still use your own workbook every day?

I do. Um, I finished it. I and it's such a funny thing because it's such a beautiful book. I had such a hard time like writing in it. And that's such a weird thing, you know, like you're taught not to. It's so pretty. And yeah, and I was like, just write in it. And then I just picked up another one and I'm gonna go through it again. Um, I think the universe has turned up again recently. Um, you know, whether you follow astrology or you're just aware or whatever, the universe is turned up, and there's a I'm on a um new learning curve too, again.

Okay.

And I feel like everything has changed and I'm re-evaluating and you know, I'm re-looking at things, and I'm doing, you know, like some new course, you know, corrections where I think I want to do something different. And so I think that's always, you know, I think, you know, in life, if you can get used to being uncomfortable, like your new, your new comfortable is uncomfortable. Gosh, that's where, you know, really the discovery and stuff happens. Because, you know, things start turning up. And and I don't know, I guess maybe I don't know if like someone listening to this would understand that, but like maybe sometimes you just wake up and you feel stressed and you don't even know why you're stressed.

Noticing Wins And Dropping Self Judgement

And I think it's not necessarily, you know, um always your thinking or you're not, but I feel like the universe we we get complacent, and then it's like the oven, the dial gets turned up, and you're like, hello, hello.

And you can listen, but if you don't, it's gonna come up in another way, right?

It gets hotter and hotter. So now I really try to look um when I'm upset about something or something's really upsetting me. I try to look at um like why? Like, what is this here? Like what am I really upset about? What's happening? And so um this is a really good segue to what we're talking about is that you know, with these little baby steps, what happens is awareness comes before change.

Uh-huh.

So when you start journaling, or when you have stuff that you're writing down and when you're making notes, um, like really the acknowledgement piece to me really helps with creation because it gives you awareness.

Yes.

You're aware. You're like, oh, this happened, or like, I'm really grateful for this. You're you're it's a spot that you're highlighting. So when you have awareness, you have now a choice to change it, or maybe it works for you. And you know, that's like the one thing I was being silly about, but I was like, oh, I'm judging, haha. But that's awareness.

Yeah.

I allowed myself to say, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm judging you. Okay. Um, awareness comes, and then you have a choice to change or not. Because you can keep judging yourself, but it's not that fun. No.

Well, it's not um it's not the truth, is it? Um not usually, that's for sure. It yeah, I I can't, I don't know if I can put it into words, but like this idea that we're made like we are love. And so if we have negative thoughts, they're not our truth. When we have loving thoughts, they are our truth. So it's yeah, bringing can bringing awareness to that can can be helpful.

Yeah. Well, and when you have that awareness and you're willing to look, you know, kind of flashback to what I started to learn that I had thoughts. I was like, what do you mean? What am I thinking? Um, but it's the same thing, a thought is an awareness, right? Like you have you're having thoughts. Are you aware of what those thoughts are? Are you telling yourself, why don't I want to do this? Or yeah, I don't have time. You don't have time. Are you in a hurry? Well, you don't have once, you know. So, like once once you have awareness, um, then you you do have a choice for change or not. And you know, noticing is what actually happens before you try to make that choice. Um, or you try to try fixing yourself, you know. Um awareness isn't there to make you wrong, it gives you somewhere new to choose from.

When you uh did use your um workbook previously, after you'd created it and you did your 100 days, what were some of the things that showed up for you?

Well, uh, what what I recently noticed is that I I get pretty frustrated in my writing. Um I want to be better, and that's being better is a judgment, obviously, but you know, I want to be the best that I can be. And and so why doing my um daily mornings, what I realized is I was asking for something um and judging myself for something that I wanted to show up, and it actually already showed up. Oh well, it was already happening. Okay, well, so my horse um is a off the track, so he was a race horse, thoroughbred. Um, Fred. He's beautiful, he's just this massive, athletic, beautiful horse. And um, he has been a little bit more difficult to um canter on because we had to um retrain him. He was only trained to really race, you know. And and so within the retraining, trying to canter him has been a little bit difficult for me. And I do daily, you know, work, well, not daily, um once a week, daily. We were talking about daily, um, at a lesson horse. And I canter him all the time. And so what I was doing is like, I don't can't, I'm I'm not, I'm not cantering. I I want to canter, I want to be better at cantering. And I'm like, you do canter. Like you have to be, you gotta say what is, you have to be really real. And I actually canter Fred. We canter after the jumps, we canter all the time. Um, but um what I've decided is that I want to canter him on a flat. And what that means is like when you're going around the arena, you just ask him to canter. Say I would canter a whole circle around the arena. That's the where we've had the challenge because once he goes straight, he can get fast. Like that was his thing. Um, so I realized I was um one, not being grateful for what I was already doing, and I wasn't acknowledging what I actually have created, which is I do cancer my horse and I cancer him quite often. Now, am I doing it the way I decided that I wanted it done? Not quite. So, what I've learned is that I'm I'm giving myself a hard time. I'm upset about something that I'm actually already doing. Okay. And, you know, it's an interesting thing. Um, and I've I've done that quite often in my life. This one time was a big aha moment. Um, you know, I've owned several businesses uh after being a homeroom mom, and there's a whole nother story in my book about that. That um like magically, you know, um an opportunity came up and I took it and I created an amazing business. And I actually had two going at once, and they're similar but different. And I was always like, I want to be a millionaire, I want to make a million. And um, it was probably a couple years later after my businesses. I was I had to look up my W-2 forms. It's like what we have here are taxes. I think I was looking for my kids' social security numbers, something really simple. And I looked and I had them both and I put them together and I made a million dollars. Now, was it gross? Was it yeah, both companies?

And I was like, You did it, and you didn't know.

Yeah, and I was also kind of like, wow, Becky, like here are your, you know, like you're asking for things and it's showing up, and you never were grateful. And so I really never acknowledged it and wasn't grateful. And so I really, really try to watch when I'm telling myself and is that really true? And believe it or not, I I think we don't really pay attention or realize it, but you know, we're lying to ourselves.

And that do you think is because we have high expectations of what we want, or we think too far ahead, or and like we don't pay attention to all the detail of our everyday life.

Yeah, and I think once you decide something, that's all it can ever be.

What do you mean by that?

I decided that I wasn't doing um well, I decided it was in cantering. Yeah. So like the universe is like, but look at this. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, but I didn't do it. And they're like, it's right here, you're doing it. And I was like, but no, that doesn't even look like what I'm talking about. You kind of um I couldn't see it.

Part of that, I guess there's also you have to be kind of specific when you're when you're um putting things out into the universe, don't you?

Yeah, no, was I doing it that way? Yeah. Yeah.

If you want a better job or to make more money, but like you don't you're not specific about what the job is or how much money you might make an extra dollar.

Yeah.

How much does that happen?

How much how much how many things have we asked for that have showed up that we didn't even see?

Yeah.

And when you add these daily practices, you um hopefully you see that more. Just makes you really because then you're like, yeah, then you're like, well, what's next?

Yeah.

You know, like, wow, what's next?

Yeah. We're creating this design, aren't we?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully I didn't waste too much time saying I wasn't doing something, you know, that I did. Yeah. And and then, and then you can choose again. Yeah. Because new information, you know, um, new information can create a new choice. And, you know, uh by me and you meeting today, or somebody finding this podcast and listening to it, you have new information now.

Yeah.

And new information um can create a new choice. And so, yes, I do do my work and I do uh constantly work myself because I'm always learning and I'm always looking and I'm always seeking. And then I have something, you know, uh maybe an inspiration, and that changes everything.

I was gonna ask you, I can't remember. Something popped in and then

Tools To Start Today Plus App

it popped out again. Um what uh in your work currently, you're yeah, are you coaching people one-on-one with this stuff? Um or I know that you've got uh I'm actually testing your your seven-day companion app. Oh, nice. Yeah, I used that this morning.

Well, yeah, yeah, I do do coaching and I have like all those tools on there because yeah, like I like to learn differently. Yes. I and I think you get information differently too. And and so, you know, um, you can write it down. Um, I created uh a seven-day app free, it's free, right? A seven-day app um to, you know, just even begin. Well, because it's it's really what you said earlier, you the act of well, how do you then start or what do you do? Well, it's that.

Yeah.

Just begin and play. And and and so you're doing and well, what did you what did you think? Because I think people get inspired differently. And so that's why I have an app. I do do coaching, I do have, you know, like like a podcast free blogs. Because I'm I mean, I did this for myself, uh for the tools. And I think everybody should have tools to have a a joyful life. We'll put it that way. Like I really, I really think they should be available to everybody.

Yeah. I like it. I've I've been um doing some um Joe Dispenser work, so meditation and like visioning and that sort of thing. So I feel like it re is very supportive of that uh process as well. Because he talks about, you know, what what habits are you trying to change, what are you trying to recreate. So there's so I feel like it's very useful to to just sort of hone in on more detail. It's only day one for me. So the so it's the um I'm answering the another small step, you know, what what one small step could I take? So um yes, and my day is only just beginning here, so let's go. I got a different steps.

No, you don't have to change your whole life. No, and you don't have to change your whole life in like that that uh free seven days. You don't have to change your whole life in seven days either, but you're just starting to pay attention differently now. Yeah. And that's really what the inspiration, you know, that's really what it's about. And even for somebody, you might get day one, day two, and you're like, wow, this is great. This is all I needed.

Yeah.

Or you might get to seven days and then, you know, would love more. And well, wow, I want to do 100 days now or 30. Or right? Like so um, I I think the information can inspire us, uh, but practice is what lets us discover um whether something actually works in our life.

Yes. And it's that kind of yin yang, isn't it? It's the dreaming it in, it's going with the flow, it's like to connecting with the energy of the possibility, but then the yang is like action, doing something about it.

Yeah. And I think for me, um, Nadine, that's what came up is like, okay, Becky, you you've you have all this information. You know, I'm I'm inspired. I was really inspired always. I have great tools, I but I was like, now is the time for action. And and and action, I'll have to tell you, can sometimes be sitting on the couch and you might have your computer or an app and you might ask yourself one question. That can still be action. Because there's some energy you're putting towards changing. Um, that's what I've really been working on as well, is really like changing my brain, my thoughts, my patterns. And I had to do that too with riding. There's parts of my brain I had to like rewire and fire on riding a horse because of the way you move with your body. I've never done that before.

Yeah.

And so, you know, there's just small pieces and small steps you can take to take action. And for me, it just felt like now's the time. Um, I mean, you can gather information for your whole life, but are, you know, it really goes back to, you know, are you the leader of your life or is your life leading you?

Yeah.

Are you creating your life or is your life creating you? And um what I said, none of neither of them are right or wrong. It's just in this moment, what like you said, what um what lights you up? Where what do you like where like where do you want to? Do you want to create your life? Like, is that, you know, does that inspire you? Does that motivate you? Or you're like, I'm okay. And and and that's great too.

It's probably a really great practice to do in midlife because we did I do feel like at my personal experience and for people I've spoken to, and you can maybe share yours, there's there's a point where, like, I don't know if it's a sense of satisfactor dissatisfaction or Or something not feeling quite right, or wanting something to change, wanting to do something differently, but just not really like feeling it, but not really knowing what it is. Did you have that?

Yes. Yes, I've had those, you know, those pivotal moments where stuff comes up in life and really trying to figure out who I am. I guess who I am. But so I think there's a difference between the energy though, because you brought it up earlier again of like the yin and the yang of like judging that I don't know who I am, or the energy of going I wonder what I'm amazing at that I haven't even discovered. That's good. Yeah. So see, I gave you two examples, but I think it's up to you to look at what feels right for you. What do you want to do? I know what I want to do, you know. Um and I also think that um you don't have to know who you're becoming before you start exploring what interests you now.

Yeah.

And I think, you know, in midlife, that's um you don't have to ask for permission at this point in your life. You don't have to understand it. And now you can have fun with it and um to see what works for you.

And it's really interesting to see what your own limitations are as well. Like I talked about that idea of upper limiting, but you you know, sometimes talk to people, or you may even hear yourself sort of saying it, I want this, but I've got to think about yeah. What will the people think of me, or I've never done it before, or what about the kids, or and but what you're kind of asking in well, in the app, so I would expect that the the workbook has a similar vibe is like beyond the butts, isn't it? It's like yeah, just dream it in. Like what what is it? Because there might be something that comes from that that you didn't even realize was there.

Well, it could be even um being brave enough to write it down. Yeah. I also, you know, started riding a horse in um well, I've had them for three years now, and I'll be 54 next month. So in my early 50s, and then um I also decided I wanted to learn to scuba dive. Yeah. And everybody thought it was crazy. And nobody wanted to do it. Yeah. So I I I said, okay, you know, I you know, I was journaling at that time. I wrote it down and I was like, I think I really would like to try this. And and so even though um my husband didn't want to do it, he's like, he he ear pressure bothers him, even in airplanes. So he's like, I won't be able to do

Midlife Courage Through Scuba Diving

it. Um, and I think one of the cool things about being midlife at this point is I said, okay, to myself, um, I'm gonna do it anyways. Nobody wants to come with me, and I'm gonna do it anyways. And so for me, um, it's taking like the the you have the big thing, and it's taking the baby steps, the baby bites, one step at a time. And so I found a place and local, and so I said, I'm not deciding whether I'm doing it or but I'm gonna go and check it out. Check it out, yeah. And I and and then that led to I met a really great um person there, and he um became my scuba instructor, and you know, he took me under his wing, and everyone thought I was crazy, but um I learned it. And that is, you know, like that's something very um uh interesting too, because you're you know, your brain is like, why are we breathing underwater?

It's kind of it seems very scorpionic though, you know, the deep dive.

The deep dive, yeah, death and rebirth. That's me.

Getting to the bottom of things.

Yeah. And and then not only that, I got certified to do 100 feet, which I don't know what that is in meters, but it's pretty deep. And uh 30 meters, I think. And and and so, you know, like if anybody, you know, is listening to this and they're it starts with, you know, um, are I would say, are you even willing to discover what you'd like to do and be brave enough even to just write it down. And then, you know, and then go from there and then look at that and and then maybe take one other baby step. I tricked myself into doing some pretty courageous things that way. Just show up, just show up, you know. Coming on podcasts for a lot of people uh is a very scary thing. Meeting someone new and talking for an, you know, an hour, and you don't know what someone's gonna ask you. And, you know, but I'm always like, okay, I'm just gonna show up and I'm gonna be me. And that's probably one of the most courageous things that um people can do and or or I can do is show up and um be me.

And I love that you've used examples. Um I mean, I'm I'm conscious that we're coming to a close. Yeah. I just want to I'd love that you've used examples of the things that you want to do that aren't necessarily like about changing your career or blowing up your relationship or you know, moving house or do you know doing something completely different because a lot of conversations do, you know, come they they do sort of go around purpose in midlife, and that can often, you know, think about like being out in the world and doing something big. But that you're just talking about things that you want to do. It doesn't matter whether it's fucking, you know, changing the world. It's like you wanted to ride a horse, you're riding a horse, you wanted to scuba dive, you've done it. Yeah, it's about thinking about the things that you want to do just because as well.

Well, and then looking at that, a lot of times, you know, we we think we need these big massive things, and I think for a lot of people with social media, that's really difficult now. Yeah, because you see these people riding on private jets or you know, traveling in the world and doing, you know, all that, which is great. But but we forget about in these daily living, yeah. You're right. The daily, you know, discovery of life. And and you know, like I I wasn't joking. I I I really my purpose in life is to have fun. Yeah. And if if that's my target, you know, I'm having a blast. Yeah. And do I have bad days? Yes. You know, lately it's been interesting. Um, like I said, I feel like the universe is really turned up for me. And and but when you have great tools, you're able to use them and still have fun in the midst of chaos. Yeah, it is possible.

I love that.

Yeah. And and I thought, well, gosh, I'm gonna enjoy this. Who knows if I'm gonna go through this again? You know, I'm having like a metamorphosis, I feel like, and um, I don't want to rush through it, which is not easy. I I'm a control, you know, I am a Scorpio and I am a control freak. Hi, my name's Becky. I am a control freak.

But also, you know, transformations are very scorpionic too. So yeah, it's like you're really living into it, you're living into it all.

And and I would love for people to have all this information out there. It shocked me the other day when someone had no idea um that there's tools out there uh for like stress. Now, I think they were talking about, yeah, well, they're

Fun As Purpose And Final Takeaways

like, well, we, you know, I meditate and I was like, yeah, meditation's great. Um, but in the beginning, uh when I was having an anxiety attacks, someone was like, gave me meditation tapes and it didn't work. You know, I was just like, I was too far gone. That meditation tape, I was just like, um, the nature sounds just didn't do it for me. And so, yes, meditation does work now. I love meditation um 100%, but there you have a whole tool box full of tools for yourself, yeah, you know, collect them. And that's like one of the things that I created with my books, and I created it for myself and wanted to share, you know, with the world. And even on my website, there's so many free tools. There's so many free, you know, different things for you to discover. And um, even if you get one thing out of it that helps you in your life, I feel like that makes me successful.

Love that. Thank you so much for joining me today. It's been great. I loved hearing all about your work. Um, thank you. I really appreciate your time. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Hey there, Rebel. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Midlife Rebel Podcast.

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